Health Update 9-16-10 and a Few Thoughts on the Kindness of God

Hi everyone it's me, the blogger formerly known as the Jollyblogger.  Just thought I'd pop in to say hi and see what it's like to blog again. 

Over the last few months chemo really got to me so I didn't do much of anything, but I'm kind of coming out of the fog now and thought I'd go ahead and give you an update. 

I had a CT scan a couple of weeks ago and the results are good.  I found out that I actually have 5 or 6 tumors in my lungs, so that wasn't a happy thing.  But they have been there all along and the reason nobody made a big deal of it apparently was that there were only two that were big enough to be of any concern. 

The good news is that, in the 18 months or so that I have been on chemo all of the tumors have shrunk significantly.  The biggest tumor was obviously in my colon, hence the surgery in December of 08 and the next biggest one was about 2.5 inches in my life.  There was another one in my liver almost that big.  The good news is that both of those tumors have shrunk till they are only about a centimeter now and all of the tumors in my lungs are a centimeter or less.  There was no dramatic change in size in any of them since my last CT scan in April, but there were a  couple that may have shrunk a millimeter or so. 

The best news is that I am getting a break from chemotherapy.  It was getting me down and I was getting to the point where I feared having to continue with chemo almost as much as I feared getting a bad report on the CT scan.  So I have the month of September completely off with no chemo at all.  Then in October I'll go on a maintenance regimen with a medicine called Avastin.  Technically, the medical personnel don't put this one in the same category as "chemo" drugs.  It's what they call a "biologic" (I think that's the word) and it works by cutting off blood supply to tumors.  This has been a part of the cocktail I have been getting all of this time and come October it will be the only thing I'll get.  The only real side effects it has is that it increases blood pressure and it can cause bleeding.  So I do have to watch out for bleeding but over the whole of my treatment I have had only minimal bleeding in my mouth and nose and it's been much less over the last few months.  My BP has gone up a bit but I have some medicine. 

So the bottom line is that I expect minimal if any side effects.  I'll see the doc again in November and I suppose we'll schedule another CT scan at that time.  If there is no growth in tumors I'll get to stay on this maintenance regimen.  But needless to say I am very happy that I can look forward to almost three months without chemo.  

Right now I've been sick all week and I don't know if I'm still just recovering from the chemo or if I have come down with something, but I do expect to get better and start enjoying life. 

Again, please accept my sincere thanks for all of the prayers and kind words.  I came across a poem on Tim Ferris's website on called "Discovering Kindness in the Storm" which perfectly describes my experience.  It is not Christian in origin but it is wise, and where the author says "kindness" I hear the words "the kindness of God and His people," or the "grace of God and His people.  It is a wonderful description of my own experience and I have to say that as much as I hate chemo and all of the things associated with cancer, that I don't think I would ever have awakened to the grace and kindness of God that surrounds me without going through all of this. 

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

So again, to everyone who has prayed even the smallest prayer or offered any kind words on my behalf, please accept my deepest appreciation and gratitude.  

And, since I am a preacher after all, may I offer one brief word of exhortation.  I meet so many, too many, Christians who are discontent and dissatisfied with life.  I suppose in many ways I was one before my battle with cancer and I would gladly pray for all of you that you don't have to go through something commensurate to cancer to learn contentment.  But if you find the seeds of discontent in your life would you pray that God opens your eyes to the grace and kindness that surrounds you.  It's there, trust me, you are just blinded to it.  God has given Christ as an atonement for sin, God does love His children with an indescribable love.  And He is busy in His providence pouring out His love and kindness to us in innumerable ways every day.  Would you pray and ask God to open your eyes to His kindness and grace that envelops you!

Comments

[Tara Barthel]

Thank you, Pastor JollyBlogger. A gentle, pastoral rebuke. Exactly what my blinded, ungrateful heart needed to hear this evening.

We truly are continuing to uphold you and your family in our prayers!

With love,
Tara B. (& Fred, Sophia and Ella)

[Mark Traphagen]

Glad for this report, David. I'm two weeks off chemo now myself, and it is such a relief; so wonderful to feel close to "normal" again. My first post-chemo scans are on October 7.

[David Wayne]

Mark - thanks for the update I'll be sure and pray for you.

Tara - I hope that didn't come across as a rebuke - I meant it more as an invitation. Thanks for all of your prayers.

[Rob Andrea]

Thank you for the update and sharing your thoughts. I'm 25 and 4 1/2 months off chemo. My CT and PET scans are now clear. Thanks for reminding me of where I'v been and not to waste my cancer. I can't imagine 18 months of chemo. You are one of the people out there on the internet who have encouraged me during my battle with cancer. May the Lord grant you strength, energy, joy, and healing. I continue to pray for you.

[Barry Simmons]

Well, I think you are still the JOLLYBLOGGER, no "formerly known as" about it. Glad to hear that you are doing better.

[J. Eric]

David,

I had just sat down to my computer tonight and saw your new post on my desktop. (Just below Reformed Chicks Blabbing) At that moment, I was listening to Sovereign Grace's song "In The Valley" based on the following puritan prayer.

The Valley of Vision

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,

Thou has brought me to the valley of vision,

where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;

hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold

thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox

that the way down is the way up,

that to be low is to be high,

that the broken heart is the healed heart,

that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

that to have nothing is to possess all,

that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

that to give is to receive,

that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,

deepest wells,

and the deeper the wells the brighter

thy stars shine;

Let me find thy light in my darkness,

Thy life in my death,

that every good work or thought found in me

thy joy in my sorrow,

thy grace in my sin,

thy riches in my poverty

thy glory in my valley.

*****

"the valley is the place of vision".

So glad to read that you are doing better. I will keep praying brother.

[J.]

Now I just wish Tim Tebow was starting for Denver so you could have the pleasure of watching that...

[Tina Lewis Rowe]

Excellent thoughts. Thank you for continuing to share. T.

[Tara Barthel]

Oh, Pastor JollyBlogger! I meant rebuke in the bestest of ways. Truly.

I had just been reading and writing all about accountability in the church and how rarely we all love one another enough to help each other---and then I read this and it did (rightfully! lovingly! gently!) rebuke my heart and help me to repent of a real lack of gratitude I've had towards my husband lately.

That's all I meant. 100% beautiful and loving and needed and good. Your term ("invitation") is, I'm sure, much more accurate than my faulty words. I hope you will bear with me.
-- tkb

[Rick Duncan]

I praise God with your for the relief of no chemo. Thanks for the poem and the exhortation. Both needed and timely, brother.

[Kat]

Great to hear that you are getting a break from chemo. Our 4 year old grandson has been under chemo for leukemia since Feb. and will be starting maintenance next week. We are all looking forward to a new kind of "normal" for him.
Your posts have been a real blessing and an encouragement for me. Thank you.

[Rick Ritchie]

My mom is on Avastin. I can see why it is not considered traditional chemo. No hair loss. No vomiting. Some fatigue for a few days. (Also some confusion for a very few days, but that could be the other drug in the mix.) Overall, nowhere near what we feared it might be like. And it has been working for her.

Glad to see another post!

[David Wayne]

Thanks everyone - Rob and Kat - thanks for mentioning your own and your families battles with cancer - I have prayed for you today.

J. Eric - thank you for the prayer - I had read it before, but your posting today really hit the spot.

Rick Ritchie - great to hear from you, we'll have to resume our email correspondence here soon!

[Milton Stanley]

Thanks for the update, David. The Stanleys are praying for you.

[Milton Stanley]

Plus, thanks for the exhortation. I can tell you it really hit home with at least one of your readers. Peace.

[Anne]

So good to hear you have responded well to the chemo and are getting a break from it.
Have you heard about using turmeric (needs to be taken with black pepper to be absorbed), black cumin seed (acts the same as Avastan and attacks colon cancer) and THC? - google "Rick Simpson + THC" Also, read David Servan-Schrieber's "Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life." He and Christina Pirello, both cancer survivors, give practical advice in their books and make sense.

God bless you. Will continue to pray for you.

Anne,
Ca of Colon stage 3

[Bobby Grow]

David,

Thanks for sharing where you're at. I've been praying for you brother! I just had my first post-chemo CT a few weeks ago, praise the LORD, I'm cancer free!!!

I am so thankful to hear a good report from you!!!

David, I know you've heard all this before, but would you please consider buying this book by Bill Henderson: http://www.amazon.com/Cancer-Free-Guide-Gentle-Non-toxic-Healing/dp/1601451830/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1284947523&sr=1-1 ? Please, brother! It can't hurt anything --- it can only help -- and it's really not that hard to do at all!

I've been consistently alkaline for the last couple of months, and there is more than anecdotal proof that cancer cannot live in an alkaline environment.

Anyway, love you brother, the Lord is with you; you're an encouragement to me!

Sincerely in Jesus,

Bobby Grow

[Steve]

Hang in there "JB". You are a fighter!!

Steve
Common Cents
http://www.commoncts.blogspot.com

[anne lamb]

I pray for you daily and am so glad to hear how well the tumors have responded to the chemo. I finished my cancer treatments a month ago and my energy is starting to come back. It won't be till December that my tumor markers will be checked but I feel good at this point. Andrew and I agree that God's goodness and kindness to us is boundless. I am grateful for another day to praise God and hug my husband and kids. We love you'll. Anne Lamb

[EAJ]

As always I grow a little bit more towards the person I should be after reading your posts. Thank you so much pastor for thinking of us. You humble my heart and I long to see you well again for I am selfish in wanting to have you here all the time blogging away. God's mercy and grace fill your every day and may you have a glorious time off that chemo.

Yours in Christ, Ellen J

[Lisa Hoffman]

David, thank you so much for this recent posting - and for reminding us of what we need to be thankful for - I appreciate the invitation to search my heart and do better.

Anne, I am glad you have finished your treatments and are gaining strength.

Blessed to have you both as friends, Lisa

[David A. Porter]

David,

It's good to hear from you. I have been praying and wondering. Our journey in this fallen world can certainly be a rough one, as you clearly know. I certainly don't pretend to understand your suffering, but I rejoice as you occasionally pop your head above water and proclaim of your determination to be more like Christ and continually proclaim his beauty through and in your suffering.

I'm happy for your coming reprieve from chemo and pray that God will give you further strength as well as a greater pulling back of the veil.

Blessings brother!