My cancer story so far - part 1

Now that the dust has cleared from my surgery and I'm feeling a good deal better I thought I would update you all in greater depth about the events of the last few weeks.  Of course I am still so new into my experience with cancer that I don't have the perspective of lots of time to look back and reflect on things, since the "things" just happened.  But I figure I can at least give you some tidbits of thoughts and reflections that are just now forming.

I did wrestle a bit about whether or not to blog much about this - blogging of this type can be a kind of emotional exhibitionism and I don't want to do that.  There is much in this experience that I will keep just between me and my wife and the kids.  But on the other hand, I've had such great love and support from the blogging community that I am happy to keep you informed and praying.

Also, when asked about what it was like to find out he had cancer, Lance Armstrong said it is like getting run off the road by a truck.  I and my family got run off the road by a truck a few weeks ago and the truth is, everyone will get run off the road by a truck at some time in their life.  It may be cancer or some other serious illness, it may be a sudden loss, or it may be having to go through some tragic circumstances with a loved one.  So, maybe my reflections will be of some help for you when your day comes and maybe they will help someone else who is in the ditch to know they are not alone.  I know that has been the biggest thing that has helped me these last few weeks - the stories of those who have been where I am and all of the words from people who have assured me I am not alone.

Today I thought I would tell you about how I think God may have been spiritually preparing me for this a few weeks in advance.

The physical symptoms that led me to think something was wrong and which led me to the doctor and so on and so on started before thanksgiving, but some time around then and maybe a little before I think God was preparing me spiritually for what was about to happen.

I have been teaching a Sunday School class this fall using Mark Driscoll's book Death by Love as the basis for the lessons and in one of the lessons he had a couple of paragraphs on the theology of the cross vs. the theology of glory.  I had heard of this before but at this point this resonated with me in a new and fresh way.  So, I did one Sunday School class as an extended lesson the theology of the cross vs. the theology of glory.

I'll stop for a commercial break here and list a few resources on the theology of the cross vs. the theology of glory.  This was most famously expressed by Luther and the theology of the cross is not so much a theology about the cross as it is an entire way of looking at life and theology which finds that God is revealed most clearly in the cross.  Here are a few resources on this subject for those who want to dig:

Luther's Theology of the Cross
Glory vs. the cross
My Spiritual Debt to Martin Luther

A Theology of Glory and a Theology of the Cross by Don Matzat

Theology of the Cross
The Theology of Glory vs. the Theology of the Cross - The Old Adam Lives!

The theology of glory looks for God in the midst of the big, the spectacular, the powerful, the victorious - it is a triumphalistic approach to the Christian life.  The theology of the cross says that God's clearest revelation of Himself is in the cross - therefore if you want to find God you will find Him in the midst of suffering, He will hide Himself from the world rather than display Himself before the world in great glory, and He is present in defeat as much as or more so than victory.

All of this started working on me around Thanksgiving and into December and one of the thoughts that came into my head as an application of this is that we tend to give God the praise when He delivers us from suffering.  In other words, we believe we have found God and He has shown Himself at the moment of deliverance and this is the stuff of our testimonies - I once was suffering but now I'm free - praise be to God.

But it occurred to me that such a testimony only has resonance in the affluent west.  What do we say of Chinese believers and others around the world whom God delivers unto suffering, not from suffering.  For many Christians throughout history their testimony has not been the typical western testimony, it has been the testimony of illness, homelessness, and persecution, to be followed by further persecutions, beatings and death in anonymity. 

And so it seemed to me that a theology of the cross meant that God would display His glory through deliverance into suffering.  I've recently come across a couple of comments from Carl Trueman that say this better than I just did:

The implications of this position are revolutionary. For a start, Luther is demanding that the entire theological vocabulary be revised in light of the cross. Take for example the word power. When theologians of glory read about divine power in the Bible, or use the term in their own theology, they assume that it is analogous to human power. They suppose that they can arrive at an understanding of divine power by magnifying to an infinite degree the most powerful thing of which they can think. In light of the cross, however, this understanding of divine power is the very opposite of what divine power is all about. Divine power is revealed in the weakness of the cross, for it is in his apparent defeat at the hands of evil powers and corrupt earthly authorities that Jesus shows his divine power in the conquest of death and of all the powers of evil. So when a Christian talks about divine power, or even about church or Christian power, it is to be conceived of in terms of the cross—power hidden in the form of weakness.

And:

The implications of the theology of the cross for the believer do not stop there. The cross is paradigmatic for how God will deal with believers who are united to Christ by faith. In short, great blessing will come through great suffering.

Also, back on December 16th I posted the following quote from Luther on my Facebook page.

Living, or rather dying and being damned make a theologian, not understanding, reading or speculating.’

As one who has spent his life reading and speculating in order to be a theologian this quote hit home - it hinted that I was quite deficient in my theological preparation.

So this is the kind of stuff that had been rattling around in my brain from somewhere around Thanksgiving until the middle of December.  During that time it was pretty much intellectual stuff for me - things to ruminate on, to teach about and maybe even debate a little. 

But now it seems that God was bringing all of that to my attention for other reasons.  In another post I'll tell about learning I had cancer and how it has affected me and my family so far.

Comments

[Paul]

David . . . thank you so much for your willingness to share. What a significant post. God is using you in my life right now and I am so grateful to Him for you. Love you brother.

[Chris Dattilo]

David, You said more there in a few words then probably years of blogging. Thank you for the reminders - may God be glorified in our weakness - as His perfections are shown. With continued prayers - Chris D.

[rebecca]

It is wonderful the way God prepares us for suffering by teaching us a bit of theology first.

[Michael Daily]

David,

Just to give you context, I met you a few years ago at the JEI conference in Annapolis and during the free time providentially ran into you at the Barnes and Noble where we had refreshments and discussed blogging.

I want you to know that I led our church in praying for you. Ironically, in light of this post, I prayed that God's glory would be revealed in how you dealt with the cancer. My first prayer, however, was for healing. May God display his mercy to you and your family.

Love in Christ,
Michael

[Julana]

This has implications for people and parents of people with disabilities.
It's hard to find mainstream theology that works well for this situation, in my opinion.

[Peggy]

Welcome to The Purple Martyrdom, David! At least, that is what I have come to call living bruised and broken and weak so that only those things that God wants accomplished actually happen...so there is no confusion as to where to give honor and glory! ;^)

Shalom to you and yours as you journey this path together. Certainly, you are never alone!

[Terry]

Thanks for keeping us informed, but I also understand your need for privacy. I will keep on praying for you, your health and your family. Let me know what I can do for you.

[nancy]

thank you for sharing this.

[Carl Holmes]

Hang in there fellow pilgrim, it will take time, but God has big plans for you.

I had brain surgery this last year and it was through that time that much of my theology of belief was tried, tested, refined and solidified. My degree is in Theology and you think that would have happened by now, but suffering has started the process.

Rest well, be at peace, let those who love you take care of you. Tomorrow is a battle all its own.

[Dave Lovestrand]

Your journey is strikingly similar to mine. Stage 3 colon cancer was diagnosed in May, surgery within 5 days and chemo began the end of June. During the previous four months, God continually brought up the word suffering in my daily devotions.

I have no answers, but I csn say that I am learning to live in the now.

[Laird]

I wonder if Moses may have suffered a bit from the theology of glory when he tried to dissuade the LORD from sending him to Pharaoh on the basis of ineloquence and slowness of speech. The LORD's response was: "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (Ex 4:11-12, NIV) God's ways are often (usually?) not our ways, and I suspect we all need to be disabused to some extent of the theology of glory, which--ironically--is probably more fallen than glorious in origin.

You are in our hearts and prayers. May your sessions at the burning bush result in great joy.

[Nate]

Your attitude towards suffering is eye-opening, David. Thanks for being a living testimony of the glory of God through suffering.

[Jason]

Hi David,

I've recently discovered your blog as I searched for Shalom and Cornelius Plantinga references. I've been enjoying your material and just wanted to comment that, though you don't know me, I am praying for you in your health situation.

My sister-in-law has been enduring her cancer by God's grace for the past 4 years now and she has been a tremendous blessing to all of us even as we seek to be to her. I pray that you also will continue to be a blessing to your church, family, friends and blogging acquaintance's as you experience the grace of God, our Father in this situation.

Thank you, Jollette for the updates.

God Bless,

Jason Jolly (yes, my real name is Jolly!)

[Mark]

Suffering brings sharper focus, doesn't it? May God continue to use you mightily as you share what you area learning. God bless!
~mark

[Byron Borger]

David,

I was thinking of you recently, wondering when we might cross paths again...I still recall fondly your visit to the bookstore. And, while I'm reminiscing, I recall your early encouragement to my blogging reviews. I owe you so much, my friend. I have been praying for you since I've heard, and will continue to do so. Glad you have a strong community of friends around you and yours. I am sure God will be glorified in what you and your family go through. Be glad in that.

[Anne]

After receiving my cancer diagnosis, (the same as yours, two and a half years ago) the thing I was most struck by was how Christians come across as somewhat surprised when we begin to die. Upon learning my diagnosis, the first thing that came to mind for me, was concern for my family (they are young) not God's glory. The second thing that came to my mind was thankfulness for Christ and His cross. Apart from that, very little else much matters. I had well-meaning pastors handing me books on suffering, which I politely returned, unread. I did not want to spiritualize suffering. Christ suffered. We will too. I know what I am in for but, I am not alone. I'm really not too sure that we need to immediately try learning something deep and profound here. Our finger needs to be on His pulse, cancer or no. I wonder if this is symptomatic of something more insidious than cancer. Cancer is a disease. It will in all likelihood kill me one day. I have
not changed. Christ has not changed. Nothing has changed. Everything has only become incredibly focused. Others have gone through this before me. My husband asked me why I was watching a TV program chronicling children living and dying with cancer. I said, "If they can do it. I can do it." Furthermore, I can do it especially with Christ. The single most outstanding thought I have had while going through my treatments and follow-up are the myriads of people going through the exact same thing, without Christ. That is suffering. My cancer journey has clarified what matters, and revealed for me, how we truly think, Christian and non-Christian, theologian and layperson. Luther's quote is spot on. Until you find yourself at the receiving end of something like this; everything is pie in the sky. How many of us truly live with the end in sight, ever? May you know the joys of Christ even more so in the days ahead.

[Christian]

My wife and I are praying for you and your family, though we do not know you. I just wanted to say quickly that agree with your discussion on the theology of the cross- I have suffered for the last 16 years from a disease that sees me dipping in and out of anguish, and despair- sometimes weekly, sometimes moment by moment- through it all I have found Paul's words in 2 Corinthians chapter 1 to be so powerful:"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our [suffering] which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead..." I am thankful for your transparency in such a vulnerable and trying time- God is using you in our lives. May He grant you and your family great comfort and strength in the time ahead.

[bad]

David, my neighbor had colon cancer, mets to his liver and lungs, and is now cancer free. God be with you.

[Tommie Harms]

Thank you for sharing your story. Your journey, along with your family, encourages my heart. I praise God to hear your transparency about what you are dealing with spiritually. May the Lord bless you all i this journey with Him. He will tell His story through you all.

[[email protected]]

Amen and Amen.

[J. Clinton]

Thanks for using your teaching gift to teach from your life. I am someone who knows the feeling of being in a ditch ... not from physical suffering, but from other kinds of difficult circumstances ... I need to hear what you have to say. You have my full attention.

[Jeri]

Hi David,

Ditto what Rebecca said. For the better part of a year, God opened my astonished eyes to see his sovereignty and the centrality of his word as never before. Then that October,my oldest child died from a drug overdose.

I find this entry encouraging and compelling, and will share it with others. Blessings to you, brother.

[DLE]

David,

Sometimes suffering is just suffering.

The Christian life is a blend of triumphalism and the cross. If we compartmentalize it into one aspect or the other, we miss the whole truth. We are at once both saints and denizens of a sin-sick world. The miracles of Christ tell not only of the forshadowing of the cross but also of the Kingdom of God triumphing over the kingdom of the enemy.

I am praying for you and will continue to ask my readers to as well.