After 20 Years We're Off to a Good Start

Here's a pic of Mrs. Jolly and I at McCormick and Smick's - a seafood restaurant down at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore.

This was taken Wednesday night, August 22, 2007, on our 20th Anniversary.  Yep, 20 years, and yep, it has gone by fast.

You know you are getting old when you start sounding like your parents and we are starting to sound like our parents.  We told our waitress it was our 20th and we started talking about kids.  She has some young kids and Mrs. Jolly said "don't blink," it'll go by that fast, and I said "I'm too young to have kids this old" - our oldest turns 18 in December.  So, yes indeedy, we do sound like our parents.

These 20 years have gone by way too fast and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  I won't try to wax eloquent on keys to a happy marriage except to say that sound theology is the foundation for a sound marriage.  I truly believe that if a married couple can grasp total depravity and grace then they are on a sound footing - they won't need much extra advice.  If we don't grasp total depravity and grace then all the marriage books and seminars in the world won't mean a thing.

Total depravity is key because it reminds me that my wife is married to a sinnner, so I need to go easy on her - she's got a tough life being married to me.  It also reminds me that she is a sinner so I don't have to burden her with a load of expectations she can never meet.  Grace reminds me that her performance is not the basis of my acceptance of her any more than my performance is the basis of God's acceptance of me.

I won't say that those two things are operative every day in our lives, as there are plenty of times when we act in un-graceful ways.  But God is good and always brings us back and keeps us centered on grace.

As to how I feel about Mrs. Jolly, let me quote someone else. We have this wonderful older couple in our church named Martin and Peggy Smith who have been married for somewhere north of umpteen years.  Martin says this of Peggy - "even when I'm mad at her, I'd still rather be with her than anyone else."  That's how I feel about Mrs. Jolly, she is my wife, my lover, my confidant, my best friend, and there is no one I'd rather be with.

Comments

[David C]

Awesome post, Dave. Seeing marriages falling apart, I love this post. As to

So your wife is married to a "sinnner"? Is that on purpose? LOL. As to sound theology, are "biblical manhood and womanhood" figured into it as well? I suppose it is a big and controversial topic, but I would love your take on it.

(Hint: Use the latest version of Firefox. It automatically highlights misspelled words just as Microsoft Word does. I am a horrible speller myself, and Firefox is a godsend).

[David Wayne]

David - good eye - yes I am indeed a sinnner with three or four n's. BTW - didn't you know that I am well known in the blogosphere or my misspellings and bad grammar? My readers wouldn't know it's me without some kind of mess up like that.

As to the whole biblical manhood/womanhood thing my wife and I are both complementarian in theology, but practically I don't think that has ever come into play in our day to day lives. The gospel trumps a lot of that because it calls us to mutual submission and servanthood. You've got all kinds of other biblical data that has to come into play such as seeing others as better than yourself and preferring their needs to yours. Plus, you've got the whole husbands lay down your lives for your wives as Christ laid down His for the church, thing.

So, I tend to think that if a couple has to fall back to discussions on roles, particularly related to power issues, they've got bigger troubles than understanding roles. The only time this ever comes up in our relationship is if we are having a disagreement and my wife just won't go my way. At those times I'll use my best preacher voice and say "SUBMIT WOMAN!" That one's always good for a laugh at our house.

[Cindy Swanson]

Congratulations, David and Mrs J! That's a terrific milestone. My husband and I celebrated our 29th last Sunday. Isn't it amazing how quickly the years fly by?

[Catez]

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Jolly!
Lovely post, and your comment is excellent too David. It's the spirit not the letter of the law that Christians walk by.

[Chris]

Congratulations - - Psalm 127.

[bill]

Much Congratulations...plus it is nice to see a familiar home town landmark in the background.

[Steve]

Congrats!

[Caine]

Congratulations.

My wife and I just celebrated our 23rd, and I can't believe it. The days have sometimes dragged long, but the years have flown by. The marriage has been hard at times but my life would have been intolerable without her!

Again, congratulations.

[William Meisheid]

I know this is late, but happy and blessed anniversary to you both. We celebrated our thirtieth this year, so I can attest to what it takes to reach such milestones.

May God grant you the grace and health to celebrate 20 more anniversaries.