JOLLYBLOGGER

Merry Christmas

As I mentioned in yesterday's post to pray for Michael Spencer it was one year ago that I began my cancer treatment journey.  At this hour last year I was probably starting to come out of anesthesia. 

As I look back over the year it has truly been a Dickensian "best of times, worst of times" kind of year.  But as best I know my own heart I sit here typing today with a greater sense of gratitude than anything else.  It's not regret, it's not disappointment, it's not fear, it's not worry, although I still experience all of those on occasion.  I am mostly grateful.  I am grateful to be with my family this year.  I am thankful for the experience of feeling good.  I am thankful that our church, a smallish, struggling church has stood by me over the past year. Can you imagine what it would be like for me in another situation.  I am unable to work full time, so I would probably have been cut loose and put on some kind of disability pay with reduced benefits, my wife would probably be having to work full time and try to take care of me.  But because God has given us local outpost of the Kingdom of Heaven I have been taken care of in unusual ways.

My family is with me.  One of the sad realities of cancer and other life-threatening illness is that there are some spouses for whom the trauma of their loved-one's illness is too much.  They themselves can't handle the trauma and sometimes they leave.  I had a friend in seminary for whom that very thing happened.  He and his wife were both on their second marriage and his wife had lost her first husband to cancer.  When my friend was diagnosed, she couldn't handle seeing another husband go through this and she left him to fight alone.

Not only has my wife stood with me through this, but she has stood by me.  She has been with me at every treatment, has laid down with me while I cried, has cheered me and generally been there to meet my every need throughout the last year.

My sons graduated last year and this is the year they could have gone off to college.  But they have stayed home and have been a constant source of entertainment and encouragement and have picked up the slack for dad in numerous ways.  And my daughter continues to grow and mature in so many ways and is a constant source of entertainment and intellectual stimulation.

Most of all, I am grateful that God has put me through a situation that has caused my faith in Him to become real.  All these years I have been in ministry and have been on a constant quest to make the gospel relevant to my hearers.  I now see that as misguided.  The question is not how we can make the gospel relevant to us, but how we can make ourselves relevant to God.  In other words, God defines reality and it is our task to conform our lives to reality as He defines it, not "make Him" relevant to us.  He is always relevant, but we are often irrelevant to Him.

As eternal matters have been at the forefront of my everyday life this year I have been compelled to begin to get a glimpse of life from God's perspective. I am most grateful for the theology of the cross. For years I had heard about it, but I am beginning to get a wee bit of understanding and experience of it.  It's just a taste but the taste is great. 

And I hope I have said this before, but just in case, let me say thanks again to all of you who have prayed for me and encouraged me over the past year.  You have been God's agents of grace to me this past year and I do hope your Christmas is indeed a joyous one.  

Please Pray for Michael Spencer

Last year at this time, the eve of Christmas Eve, I was preparing for surgery.  The next day I was to have a colon resection, the first of many cancer treatments. 

As that was going on Michael Spencer, the proprietor of The Boars Head Tavern, an online community offering a wide variety of lively conversation on things theological, ministerial and general Christianity, shut down the Boars Head Tavern, save for one matter - to pray for me.

I was touched and would like to return the favor.  I am not the proprieter of anything but my own little blog and shutting down is no big deal because, let's face it, with my health over the last year I have seemed to be more "shut down" than not.  But I know I still have some faithful readers and want to take this opportunity to ask you to pray for Michael.

Michael has an unspecified cancer diagnosis and is going into surgery for it this morning.  We don't know exactly what they are operating on, but let's face it, when you must do surgery on Christmas Eve it is urgent. 

So please do pray fervently for Michael during these difficult days that He may feel the peace of Christ in the midst of his suffering.

Words of Comfort for the Dying

A few months ago I had occasion to read some words from J. R. Miller directed towards youth, instructing them in how to prepare for a "Beautiful Old Age."  My reaction is mixed.  The words are an eloquent plea for the pursuit of purity and holiness throughout one's youth and middle years for the sake of reaping the benefits in one's old age.  Yet, I find them strangely devoid of the gospel, except for one or two comments, almost exclusively works-oriented and prone to producing despair rather than comfort at the hour of death.

I do realize that Mr. Miller is a Presbyterian of the old school, hence he is one of my own forefathers in the tradition I follow and I realize that I could never approach his learning and zeal for Christ.  I realize that I owe him deference and respect and am more than happy to be corrected if I have misunderstood his words.  

He advises that youth need to cultivate friendship in their younger years as these friends will be there to comfort them in their later years.  So far so good.  And he says that youth need to pursue holiness and purity throughout their life so that their clear conscience (my own words to translate his meaning) may comfort them before the Lord in their later years.  This gets a bit problematic.  Yes, we pursue holiness throughout life but Miller describes this almost in the sense that we save up a bank of merit we could draw on in old age.

The most troubling comment is this:

Sin may seem pleasant to us now, but we must not forget how it will appear when we get past it and turn to look back upon it; especially must we keep in mind how it will seem from a dying pillow. Nothing brings such pure peace and quiet joy at the close as a well-lived past. We are every day laying up the food on which we must feed in the closing years. We are hanging up pictures about the walls of our hearts that we shall have to look at when we sit in the shadows. How important that we live pure and holy lives! Even forgiven sins will mar the peace of old age, for the ugly scars will remain.

Apparently forgiven sin can still torment us on our dying pillow.  The source of our peace and joy is a "well-lived past."  And "even forgiven sins will mar the peace of old age, for the ugly scars remain." 

Please Pray for Michael Spencer and Matt Chandler

Those of you who read Christian blogs regularly may know the names Michael Spencer and Matt Chandler.  Michael is one of the most well known bloggers out there, he has been blogging for years at the Internet Monk and Boars Head Tavern.  Matt pastors the Village Church near Dallas. Both have recently found out they have cancer.  I don't know much detail but it seems that both have been diagnosed very recently.  So, they may still be working through the initial shocks.  I remember how devastating it was for me and I am sure it is so for them. But, they are men of clear evangelical faith who are keeping a strong testimony for Christ.

Please pray for these beloved men, their wives and kids and the communities they serve

Hooray for the Puritans

I found a quote about the Puritans I couldn't resist posting.  It's from a comment thread on this post on the blog of Jason Stellman, author of the book Dual Citizens.

I remember as a college student (Eng. Lit.) reading in my McGraw-Hill tome The American Tradition in Literature that the puritans "in general were lovers of life; their clergy were well-educated scholars in whom the Renaissance lamp of humanism still burned. They did not forbid gaily colored clothes if they could get them; they develp a pleasing domestic architecture and good arts and crafts on American soil; they liked the drink even if they despised the drunkard; they feared both ignorance and emotional evangelism, and made of their religious thought a rigorous intellectual discipline. …In their influence on American life, there is much more to bless them for than to condemn" (8th ed., p. 6).

Health Update - 12-16-09

I wanted to give you an update on my visit with the doctor last Monday as well as just a few miscellaneous ramblings about life in general.

The visit with the doctor on  went about as expected.  The tumors in the liver are indeed showing some signs of growth and therefore the doc recommends we go back on chemo.  This was not unexpected so neither Lynette nor I are particularly down about this.  I think the kids are, but Lynette and I were expecting this so it didn't come as a shock.

I'm actually in very good spirits these days.  I am feeling good, the best I have felt in a year.  I feel like God is giving me a physical "time of refreshing" in just letting me go through these days feeling good - I had forgotten what that was like.  As to details on my physical condition I actually still wake up every morning in a good deal of pain - more of a deep achy feeling than sharp pains.  My hands and feet are the worst.  So I get up and take some pain medicine and I also am taking some new medicine that hopefully attacks the neurological symptoms themselves.  I usually have to lay back down for a bit or just get up and eat breakfast and kind of sit still and ease into the day, but after about an hour or so the medicine kicks in and I feel great.  And as long as I take the medicine at the proper times I'm able to go the rest of the day feeling very good.  I understand that this sounds a bit contradictory in saying I wake up in pain but am feeling good.  But it used to be that I would wake up in pain and then feel like crap the rest of the day.  Now, the fact that I can usually go for 10-12 hours in a day with the aches and pains being managed and feeling good is a tremendous blessing.

I liken myself to an old car in winter that's cranky and hard to start but once I make it out of the driveway and get going down the road I get warmed up and can motor on pretty good.

As to those miscellaneous ramblings I mentioned at the top of the post - we've had several things on our minds over the last few months that we wanted to address and were able to do so with the doc and it went very well.

C. John Sommervile on Rodney Stark

As a heads up this particular post is probably of interest to a fairly narrow audience.  I have enjoyed reading some of Rodney Stark's work and I have talked to a number of fellow pastors who have also appreciated his work and have seen him quoted favorably in several places.

So I just thought I would pass something along to all of you who read Stark.  C. John Sommerville has a few brief comments you might find helpful in the May 2009 issue of a periodical called Reconsiderations.  Reconsiderations is put out by the Christian Study Center of Gainesville (a.k.a. the center of the intellectual and athletic universe).  The link is to a .pdf file and the article by Sommerville starts on page 6.  Here's the article:

Considering the Work of Rodney Stark by C. John Sommerville.

And here is the Rodney Stark page at Amazon.  

Stark is a sociologist and he comes at Christian history using the tools of sociology.  Although Sommerville says he has a secure place in "high-brow" culture, his book Rise of Christianity is one that can be appreciated by non-specialists and non-sociologists.  Just realize that he is not writing as a theologian or even as a devout believer.  But he does write as one who is sympathetic to Christianity and that article by Sommerville may help you understand his perspective and his sympathies.  I just noticed that Stark has a new book on the Crusades - hmm, sounds interesting. 

Also, just a word about C. John Sommerville.  Aside from the fact that he taught for years at the premier learning institution in America, he has written one of my definite top 10, all time favorite books.  It is called How the News Makes us Dumb. I can't recommend that book highly enough, in fact I beg you, please, please, please, please, please read that book before you watch another news broadcast, read a paper or tell someone about something you read or heard on the news.  His argument is not what you might think.  The news is not bad because it is biased or because the journalists themselves are incompetent per se.  The news is destructive to wisdom because it is daily.  Again, I can't recommend that book too highly.

And, getting back to Stark and the sociology of religion, it looks like Sommerville himself has a new book out on similar themes, only dealing with more modern times - Religion in the National Agenda:  What We Mean by Religious, Spiritual, Secular.  This too sounds interesting.

Bill Buckley on the Beatles

This post has absolutely nothing to do with what I usually blog about and does nothing to advance the topics I usually want to discuss here but I just had to share it for the fun of it.  I have added one of those "useless knowledge" widgets to my igoogle splash page and I just had to share this example of Bill Buckley being Bill Buckley back in the early 60's:

"The Beatles are not merely awful, I would consider it sacrilegious to say anything less than that they are godawful . . . They are so unbelievably horrible, so appallingly unmusical, so dogmatically insensitive to the magic of the art, that they qualify as crowned heads of anti-music."

So there!

Spurgeon on Sickness as a "Greater Gift"

In recent days I have read and heard some unfortunately spoken words to the effect that it is not God's will that anyone be sick.  A friend of my daughter's told her that point blank one day, another dear friend attended a small group meeting where a lady with cancer was being prayed for and the leader of the group introduced the prayer time by saying that this cancer was not God's will for her and that God had no intention of teaching her through this experience.  In other words, deliverance and healing were the only options.  I have also recently read several books by authors claiming that God doesn't want you to be sick, and then finding out that they themselves died of illness.  One even said that we have an appointment with God to die and we need to be prepared to die, but that our appointment with death won't come by way of illness in general or cancer specifically - then I found out that author died of cancer.

How grateful I am for the more wise, mature and carefully considered words of some of our spiritual forefathers.  Here's a few words by and about Charles Spurgeon from Tullian Tchividjian.

Charles Spurgeon once said, “Health is a gift from God, but sickness is a gift greater still.” Throughout his time in this world, Spurgeon suffered with various physical ailments that eventually took his life prematurely. He longed to be well but he recognized the supreme value of being sick and he thanked God for it because it was his pain that caused him to desperately draw near to God.

John Newton on the Presence of the Lord in Dark Times

Here are some good words from John Newton for those of you, like me, who may be going through dark times:

If, as you observe, the Song of Solomon describes the experience of his church, it shows the dark as well as the bright side. No one part of it is the experience of every individual at any particular time. Some are in his banqueting-house, others upon their beds. Some sit under His banner, supported by His arm; while others have a faint perception of Him at a distance, with many a hill and mountain between. In one thing, however, they all agree, that He is the leading object of their desires, and that they have had such a discovery of His person, work, and love, as makes Him precious to their hearts. Their judgment of Him is always the same, but their sensibility varies. The love they bear Him, though rooted and grounded in their hearts, is not always equally in exercise, nor can it be so. We are like trees, which, though alive, cannot put forth their leaves and fruit without the influence of the sun. They are alive in winter as well as in summer; but how different is their appearance in these different seasons! Were we always alike, could we always believe, love, and rejoice, we should think the power inherent and our own; but it i. more for the Lord's glory, and more suited to form us to a temper becoming the Gospel, that we should be made deeply sensible of our own inability and dependence, than that we should be always in a lively frame. I am persuaded, a broken and a contrite spirit, a conviction of our vileness and nothingness, connected with a cordial acceptance of Jesus as revealed in the Gospel, is the highest attainment we can reach in this life. Sensible comforts are desirable, and we must be sadly declined when they do not appear to us; but I believe there may be a real exercise of faith and growth in grace when our sensible feelings are faint and low. A soul may be in as thriving a state when thirsting, seeking, and mourning after the Lord, as when actually rejoicing in Him; as much in earnest when fighting in the valley, as when singing upon the mount; nay, dark seasons afford the surest and strongest manifestations of the power of faith. To hold fast the word of promise, to maintain a hatred of sin, to go on steadfastly in the path of duty, in defiance both of the frowns and the smiles of the world, when we have but little comfort, is a more certain evidence of grace, than a thousand things which we may do or forbear when our spirits are warm and lively. I have seen many who have been upon the whole but uneven walkers, though at times they have seemed to enjoy, at least have talked of, great comforts. I have seen others, for the most part, complain of much darkness and coldness, who have been remarkably humble, tender, and exemplary in their spirit and conduct. Surely were I to choose my lot, it should be with the latter.