JOLLYBLOGGER

Health Update 2-26-09

Hello everyone - the health updates are a little fewer these days just because there's not much of a change.  I have now had three rounds of chemotherapy and am trying to notice and pay attention to patterns of side effects so that I'll know what I can and can't do and when I can and can't do it.

The next big date is March 30th - I'll have a CT scan then and will know if the tumors are shrinking.  Actually, I won't know on that date - I'll probably know the next week when I see the doctor, so tune in the first week of April.

I have learned that the regimen I am on is designed to go for 6 months so that puts us at the middle or end of July.  At that point we just evaluate how I am and go from there.  I could get more chemo, maybe a different regimen, or I could get a break.  And of course we are all praying that the cancer will go into remission along the way. 

Lots could happen along the way, so that's not set in stone.  For instance, right now my white blood cell count is very low, which is to be expected (btw - heads up to all of my friends who are local - this means that if you are ill it's not a good idea for me to be around you, but don't worry, I still love you).  I got a shot yesterday that is supposed to raise the white blood count.  If it gets too low I may have to postpone a treatment or so till I can get it built back up, so that could throw the schedule off.  Also, I am having a side effect called "hand and foot syndrome."  Basically, I have a few fingers that are turning red and they get a burning sensation and the skin peels like on a sunburn.  I have had a little bit of it in the pads of my feet - I had to wear my crocs when I went to our small group meeting because I couldn't take hard soled shoes or floors.  So far it's been mild, and has only lasted a day or so.  If it gets to the point where it affects my daily living they said I may get a drug holiday or a lower dosage of one of the medicines. 

So, needless to say, there's lots that could throw the treatment schedule off.  If I could ask for one special prayer request from you all it is this.  The PCA General Assembly is in Orlando this year the second week of June.  I'll still be in chemo that week but I am hoping it will be an off week and I can go.  I met and married my wife in Orlando, was ordained in the Central Florida Presbytery and I also have lots of other friends in and around Orlando, so I am really hoping to go this year, so if you could pray for this I would appreciate it.

Other than that, we're starting to settle into a routine.  Besides the side effects just mentioned, I deal with fatigue - it's usually bad from Wednesday through Saturday of chemo week.  But, I'm at home and Lynette takes great care of me and it's a pleasure to be home with her, even if I'm not feeling great.  She has been terrific through all of this. 

And speaking of terrific, I haven't missed a Sunday preaching.  I only missed the two Sundays immediately after my surgery in December, so I am very thankful to the Lord for giving me the strength to do that.  And the church has been terrific.  Our members have rallied around me and the family and have been a great source of strength and encouragement.  And, through all of this we've seen a lot of new folks coming to the church, so it's great to see God working in all of this.

The Theology of the Cross and Suffering

I won't claim with this post to resolve any of the difficulties we have with the existence of suffering, but I thought I would share a few thoughts I came across about the place of suffering in the theology of the cross, as propounded by Luther.

I think most Christians realize that the existence of evil and suffering pose difficulties for the Christian worldview and this is the subject of a good deal of our apologetics.  In my experience, most of us lean toward a more passive view of God in the midst of suffering.  In other words, we say that God "allows" suffering or "works through" suffering or something like that which in some way absolves god from the charge of being an active agent in the suffering of His people.

Luther, in his theology of the cross, didn't take such an approach - he saw God as active in the administration of suffering to His people.  The following words are pretty tough, yet they have the ring of truth, and the ring of fidelity to the Scripture, to them.  These are from Luther's Theology of the Cross by Alister McGrath, pp. 150-151.  McGrath loves the Latin and I've taken a shot at translating a couple of the terms here, but I think you can follow the main point even if you don't follow the Latin well.

God is particularly known through suffering.  Although this is a reference to the passiones Christi (sufferings of Christ), a far deeper spiritual truth is involved:  a fundamental contention of the theologia crucis (theology of the cross) is not merely that God is known through suffering (whether that of Christ or of the individual), but that God makes himself known through suffering.  For Luther, God is active in this matter, rather than passive, in that suffering and temptation are seen as a means by which man is brought to God.  This brings us to the dialectic between the opus proprium Dei (appropriate to God's nature) and the opus alienum Dei, which Luther introduces in his explanation of Thesis 16.  The basic paradox involved is illustrated with reference to the justification of an individual.  In order that a man may be justified he must first recognize that he is a sinner, and humble himself before God.  Before man can be justified, he must be utterly humiliated - and it is God who both humiliates and justifies.  'Thus an action which is alien to God's nature (opus alienum Dei) results in an action which belongs to his very nature (opus proprium Dei):  God makes a person a sinner in order that he may make him righteous.' The opus alienum is a means to the end of the opus proprium.  The significance of suffering, whether this is understood as passiones Christi or human Anfechtung (temptation?), is that represents the opus alienum through which God works out his opus proprium.  In his important study of Anfechtung, Beintker demonstrates that God himself is the source of Anfechtung: God assaults man in order to break him down and thus to justify him.  Similarly, studies on Luther's understading of the role of the Devil in the Christian life have demonstrated that he regarded the Devil as God's instrument, who performs the opus alienum Dei on his behalf in order that the opus proprium may be realised.  Far from regarding suffering or evil as a nonsensical intrusion intot he world (which Luther regards as the opinion of a 'theologian of glory'), the 'theologian of the cross' regards such suffering as his most precious treasure, for revealed and yet hidden in precisely such sufferings is none other than the living God, working out the salvation of those whom he loves.

The Love of Christ is the Main Thing

Romans 8:31-39 has become a "go-to" passage for me of late.

 ³¹What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³²He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶As it is written:
   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." ³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)

Notice that it doesn't promise you deliverance from hardship, it promises that hardship cannot separate you from the love of Christ.  It assumes that we as believers will face trouble, hardship, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger, sword,  death, demons, powers and other things, but none of that can separate us from the love of God that is ours in Christ.

This is pure theology of the cross, which I wrote about here.  This brings about a total reorientation of life.  As I have delved deeper and deeper into the theology of the cross I have found that many of my assumptions about how God deals with us continue to be challenged and also how God in His providence is actually reconstructing my whole life around the cross, to be defined by the cross.  Can't say it's always enjoyable but it is His will and I am slowly (though not without some fighting and/or wining) learning to embrace a life defined by the cross.

Health Update 2-12-09

Hi folks - thought I'd give you an update on how I'm doing as it's been awhile.  I don't think I've given a health update since I started chemotherapy so I'll try to catch you up on that.

My first chemo treatment was on January 27th. The regimen is this - I go into the hospital for about 4 hours on the Monday's of treatment week and get attached to an IV which drips 5 different medications into a port I've had installed in my upper right chest, just below the collar bone.  When that it done they attach a pump to the IV in my port and I take it home in a shoulder bag and it pumps medicine in me for 46 hours.  So, 46 hours after that first treatment I go back to the hospital and get the pump disconnected. 

I'll be having treatments every other week so I had my second one this week and it will be every two weeks from now on.

On the one hand, chemo is no fun, but on the other hand I feel incredibly blessed because I know that (so far) I haven't had nearly the side effects that many have.  My side effects are mainly extreme fatigue and lack of appetite.  During the first treatment I had the pump removed on a Thursday and experienced the side effects till that Sunday.  This week I had the pump removed on Wednesday and I'm still pretty wiped out, hoping I'll do better tomorrow. 

One other side effect is that I am extremely sensitive to cold.  I can't drink anything cooler than room temperature or my throat will feel like it's closing (it doesn't actually close, it just feels like it).  I also can't touch anything cold.  So, if I have to reach into the refrigerator or if I am out in the cold I have to put on gloves - otherwise my fingers will get that extreme tingling that happens when they go to sleep, but it feels like I am being stuck with needles.  

The other side effect that has me most concerned is neuropathy in the fingers and toes - which is similar to the cold symptoms.  The last two days several of my fingers have turned red and tingly and they feel like they are burning.  It's not that bad, but my concern is that this is one side effect that can be permanent.  It usually goes away but they say it can be permanent so we have to monitor it carefully.  So, I'd appreciate your prayers that these are only temporary episodes.  As I type this my fingers are feeling almost normal so that's good, but the effects will accumulate.

I'm in good spirits.  As I said I feel very blessed - I have heard stories of people going through chemotherapy that sounded like torture to me.  Even though I'm not feeling good, I can read and watch TV and carry on a conversation and I was even able to work some on Tuesday.  And my wife is right beside me the whole time and the kids keep the humor and encouragement rolling, so I'm in pretty good shape.

Also, hopefully this trend will continue but during the non-chemo week I felt great.  I had energy and was able to do a lot.  In fact I was nearly giddy that week because it felt so good to feel good.  I can't tell you how good it felt to wake up and actually feel like going to work and doing something.  At the risk of sounding like I'm giving you a lecture, let me encourage all of you who are able to wake up in the morning and feel like doing something to not take that for granted.  

If you stick with me after the jump I'll share a few thoughts on how I am handling all of this emotionally and spiritually along with some of the things I am reading.

A little entertainment to end the weekend/start the week

HT - As a Blog Returns to It's Vomit