Lacrosse Gloves

Scene 1

Time - a couple of months ago.

Place - a home somewhere in Maryland

Setting - dad is watching TV, minding his own business, doing no harm to no one, at peace with the world and life in general.  Teenage son enters the room . . .

Son:     Dad I need new lacrosse gloves.

Dad:     Huh?

Son:     I need new lacrosse gloves.

Dad:     Why do you need new lacrosse gloves?

Son:     Because my old ones are no good.

Dad:     What's wrong with them?

Son:     There old and there no good.

Dad:    What is no good about them?

Son:     The material on the fingers is worn out.

Dad:     And . . .

Son:     That's bad.

Dad:    Why is that bad?

Son:    Because  I can touch the stick.

Dad:    And that's a bad thing why?

Son:   Because there's no padding?

Dad:     ??????

Son:    And I think it's illegal

Dad:  Oh, now it's illegal . . .

Son:  Yeah it's illegal.

Dad:  . . .

Son walks away, tired of talking to a doorknob.

Scene 2

Time - a few weeks later

Place - LAXWorld

Setting - the son has successfully worn dad down, now dad is at LAXWorld, inspecting lacrosse gloves with son.

Son:     These are awesome gloves . . .

Dad:    Great, let's get 'em and go . . .

Son:     Wait, I need to check them out thoroughly.

Dad:    . . . . . . .

    10 Minutes later

Dad:    OK, let's get 'em and go

Son:    Wait a minute let me check these out.

Dad:     Hurry up!

Son:    These are awesome.

Dad:    Great, let's get 'em and go.

Son:    No wait a minute I need to be sure.

Dad:    ?????

    Another 10 minutes later

Son:    OK, let's get 'em and go.

    Salesperson walks up

Son:    Which on of these is the best.

Salesperson:     (Pointing to the first pair) These are the best, they've got the super duper thingamajigs and their doohickey's are the best and they are made out of extreme watchamacallit fabric.

Dad:  (Looking at price tag) They better be the best for that price.

Salesperson:     Yes they are.

Dad:     Can you guarantee me that if I pay this exorbitant price they will last him forever and I'll never need to buy another set of gloves.

Salesperson - oh yes, these are the best.

Dad:    (Scowling) OK, let's get 'em and go.

Son:    OK, thanks dad, you're the best

Dad:    Yeah, yeah, get in the car . . .

Scene 3

Time - Two weeks later

Place - A home somewhere in Maryland

Setting - dad is watching TV, minding his own business, doing no harm to no one, at peace with the world and life in general.  Teenage son enters the room . . .

Son:     Dad, I don't like these gloves.

Dad:     What?

Son:     I don't like my new lacrosse gloves.

Dad:     SAY WHAT?

Son:     I don't like my new lacrosse gloves.

Dad:     (Incoherent sounds, face turning red).

Son:   No dad, really, they aren't that good . . .

Dad:     I thought these were the best gloves ever made . .  .

Son:     They've got too much stuff on them and aren't flexible.

Dad:    Forget it, we are not taking them back.

Scene 4

Time - one week later

Place - LAXWorld

Setting - grandma has come for a visit, teenage son has given grandma a sob story for the ages, grandma has fallen for it, the whole family is now at LAXWorld again. Son spends 30 minutes looking through different gloves, trying them all on, experimenting with each one. Mother and grandmother are very interested in each pair of gloves, ask him all kinds of questions about them and generally do all they can to make sure their little precious gets the perfect pair of lacrosse gloves.  Dad surveys the scene from a distance, disgusted.

Son:     (after 45 minutes) OK, these are the best, these are the ones I want.

Dad:     Hmph . . .

Grandma:     OK honey, are you sure these are the ones you want.

Son:     Yes

They purchase the gloves and walk out.  On the way to the car . .  .

Dad:     grumble grumble

Son:     Thanks grandma, you're the best

Grandma: You're welcome honey

Scene 5

Time - One week later.

Place - a home somewhere in Maryland

Setting - dad is watching TV, minding his own business, doing no harm to no one, at peace with the world and life in general.  Teenage son enters the room . . .

Son:     Dad, I don't like these gloves, I want to return them

Dad:    (remembers that he is a Christian, is a pastor, is seeking to raise his family in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, somehow manages not to cuss - he speaks through clenched teeth) What is wrong with these gloves now!

Son:    The padding on the fingers is too thick, I can't feel the stick.

Dad:    Starts banging head on the nearest wall.

Wife/Mom:    There, there dear, it'll be alright

Son:     (To his brother) Stay away from dad, he's in one of his moods.

Comments

[Rong]

Dad: Peacefully sitting in his office playing Oblivion on his computer and really not caring to be disturbed.

Son: Stands in doorway to said office.

Dad: Feels the presence of an intruder.

Son: Clears throat and asks, "Dad?"

Dad: Without breaking glazed over gaze simply states, "No."

Son: "I haven't asked for anything!"

Dad: "Were you going to?"

Son: "Uhm, yeah..."

Dad: "No"

Son: Stomps back to his room and slams the door.

Dad: Pats himself on the back, smirks and then lays waste to the Mangled Flesh Atronach.

[Benjamin P. Glaser]

Gave me a good chortle Rong. :)

[Steve]

Outstanding site you have!

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[Steve]

I loved your story, but felt guilty because I do exactly what your son did...taking forever to decide, and never being satisfied.