Saving the World to Save One's Self

I guess I'm in one of those moods today but am wondering why I do what I do - what am I trying to accomplish in ministry. A few years ago I heard that Billy Graham had made a comment to the effect that many people go into ministry out of a sense of guilt, to atone for past sins.  And somewhere along the line I was confronted with the question of whether or not I am trying to fix myself by trying to fix others in ministry.

Well, George Grant has stirred this up for me again with a post called "Poor Africa" referencing Paul Theroux's NY Times review of the book "Stanley: The Impossible LIfe of Africa's Greatest Explorer," a biography of Henry Morton Stanley, you know he of "Mr. Livinstone I presume," fame.  Theroux begins his review this way:

Poor Africa, the happy hunting ground of the mythomaniac, the rock star buffing up his or her image, the missionary with a faith to sell, the child buyer, the retailer of dirty drugs or toxic cigarettes, the editor in search of a scoop, the empire builder, the aid worker, the tycoon wishing to rid himself of his millions, the school builder with a bucket of patronage, the experimenting economist, the diamond merchant, the oil executive, the explorer, the slave trader, the eco-tourist, the adventure traveler, the bird watcher, the travel writer, the escapee, the colonial and his crapulosities, the banker, the busybody, the Mandela-sniffer, the political fantasist, the buccaneer and your cousin the Peace Corps Volunteer. Oh, and the atoner, of whom Thoreau observed in a skeptical essay: “Now, if anything ail a man so that he does not perform his functions ... if he has committed some heinous sin and partially repents, what does he do? He sets about reforming the world.” Thoreau, who had Africa specifically in mind, added, “Do you hear it, ye Wolofs?”

 

These people have been in and out of the continent since the beginning of the 19th century, much earlier if we include the Arab slave traders and the tourist Herodotus. A common denominator in this assortment of foreign visitors — high-minded pests and exploiters alike — is their wish to transform themselves while claiming they want to change Africa.

A few things stand out there - he speaks of the atoner who in effect seeks to save the world to save himself, or the one who wishes to transform themselves while claiming they want to transform Africa.  In my case, and I wonder if its not the case of others, we seek to transform ourselves by claiming we want to change the world for Christ.

Granted I may be worse than everyone else out there.  After all I was chosen to preach a local joint reformation service this year and was assigned the topic of total depravity because, in the words of my fellow pastors, they could think of no one more experientially qualified to speak on that subject than me.

But, as my regulars will know, our church is going through a transition time right now that came as a result of decline in membership and growth and we continue to struggle.  And it occurs to me that I often take those struggles personally, seeing them as a sign of my own failures and wondering what is wrong with me.  But why would I think those thoughts if me and my ego were not somehow at stake here?  In other words, it would be appropriate to be sorrowing for the church itself and for the kingdom of God, but most of my thoughts are sorrow for me.  Which leads me to conclude that the words of Thoreau and Theroux have a good deal of application to me.

And I wouldn't be surprised if these had some application to others in ministry.

I'm not advocating extended navel gazing and pathos over this but I think it's occasionally worth examining one's heart to discern why we do what we do.

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Tags: Religion, ministry, Henry Stanley, Books