Why It's Cool to Be a Calvinist

OK, with all of this serious discussion about calvinism and all I thought I would inject a little levity into it.  I first got this in an e-mail from another pastor in my presbytery, but also found it on a blog called Semper Reformanda.  This is hilarious, but what is even more hilarious is if you go over to the Semper Reformanda blog and look at all of the comments this young lady got from people taking this way too seriously.  This really is a joke, somewhere along the lines of 10 reasons it's better to be a man than a woman or 15 reasons dogs are better than cats.  So, if anyone gets offended here I'll be happy to post a rebuttal about why arminians are better than calvinist, baptists are better than presbyterians or something along the lines.  Of course, I'll reserve the right to rebut the rebuttal.

10 REASONS WHY I AM A CALVINIST

1. Calvinists tend to wear wool and cotton. Dispensationalists tend to wear lime-green polyester leisure suits.

2. John Calvin was French...being French is very chic.

3. Calvin sounds like Calvin Klein...and his clothes are very chic.

4. Calvinists can drink.

5. Calvinists can smoke.

6. Dispensationalists are into prophecy conferences where they talk about Star-Trek eschatology and the mark of the Beast. Calvinists have conferences on "life and culture", art, social justice, and other high- brow things like that. Afterwards, we go to the local pub and talk about philosophy over a pint of Bass ale.

7. Calvinists have close ties with Scotland and Scotland is very cool: you know --Sean Connery, the movie Highlander, Bagpipes, the Loch Ness Monster, Glenlivet 18 year old Scotch, the movie Train Spotting, Brave Heart, etc.

8. Calvinists think we are smarter than anybody else.

9. It is more socially acceptable to say, "I go to Grace Presbyterian Church" than to say, "I go to Washed In The Blood Worship Center", "I go to Sonlife Charismatic Believers Assembly", or to say "I go to Boston Berean Bible Believing Baptist Bethel", or to say "I go to the Latter-Day- Rain Deliverance Tabernacle Prophecy Center, Inc.", or to say "I go to the Philadelphia Church of the Majority Text", or to say "I go to the Lithuanian Apostolic Orthodox Autocephalic Church of the Baltic union of 1838".

10. Ultimately, I am a Calvinist because I had no choice in the matter.