Forgiving the Unrepentant

In this week's Christianity Today, R. T. Kendall answers a question about forgiving the unrepentant.  He begins by pointing out that many, if not most, of those who offend us will be unrepentant over it.  This poses a huge problem for us.  Whenever I speak on forgiveness, inevitably someone will ask me what to do about the one who is unrpentant.  Kendall's words got me thinking about this issue of non-repentance. 

Allow me to invite you to engage in a little exercise.  Think of all the people who you know who have offended you or someone else that you are aware of.  Now, answer the following questions:

• How many of them don't even know that they have offended someone else?
• How many of them know they have offended someone else, but they think that the other person has misunderstood them and is just being a little too sensitive, or touchy?
• How many of them know they have offended someone but feel that the other person is at least partially to blame?
• How many of them believe that someone else's sin against them justifies their own sin against that person?
• How many of them are sorry for what they have done, but not really "sorry enough" in the eyes of the one whom they have offended?
• How many of them are cold-hearted and just don't really care whom they offend?

If you go down that list you will find that the vast (overwhelming) majority of folks fall into one of those categories and thus they are not and probably will never come to repentance for their sins. And if they do come to repentance for their sins, in all likelihood their repentance will not seem deep enough for the one who was offended.

I was in a tire store today waiting for a flat repair and happened to be stuck there with a very chatty gentleman.  He pontificated on all kinds of matters and told me stories about his life which was lived in some very tough and crime ridden places.  He apparently knew all about life in drug infested and crime ridden areas and had some strong opinions on how to handle some of these criminals.  At one point he described to me what he thinks should be done to child-rapists and he described it in brutal and excruciating detail.  He said that if we would get medievel on them this would solve alot of crime.

Although I was a bit uncomfortable with listening to him, something in me said "yes, such people deserve such punishment."  The unspoken presupposition that he had, and that I was agreeing with in my inner man is that the offender should suffer to the same or a greater degree as the offended.
Yet this is the antithesis of the Christian gospel, and it shows just how far my heart is from a true love for the gospel.  But this is also the essence of what goes on in the mind of someone who has not forgiven someone else. 

Christians who want to forgive based on repentance basically want the offender to suffer like the offended.  This is why, when an offender apologizes, the offended person will often withhold forgiveness, or will still keep some emotions in reserve.  There is this sense that true repentance can only come through commensurate suffering.  In such a mindset, true repentance can't be demonstrated merely by words or even some type of material restitution.  The "truly repentant" person will show their "true repentannce" by their ability to identify with the sufferings of the offended.

The one who is offended may need to see tears in the eyes of the offender, or some expression of self-loathing on the part of the offender.  Only in such cases will the offended party feel that the offender has truly repented.

But, as I said, such an attitude is far from the gospel.  R. T. Kendall says this:

One of Jesus' main teachings was that we love our enemies, pray for them, and do good to those who have hurt us.  It is curious how some of us read the Gospels over and over and miss this.  We may get  the theology, but not the graciousness that Jesus taught and exemplified.

How much repentance do you suppose there was at the Cross while Jesus hung there?  There was not only an utter absence of repentance, but also total contempt.  Jesus' reply: "Father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing."  (Luke 23:34)

So, at one point are we to extend forgiveness, or should I instead ask "how much repentance must be evident before I extend forgiveness?"  The example of Jesus says that we are to extend forgiveness at the time when there is absolutely no repentance and even while the offender is holding us in, and treating us with, utter contempt.

The fact is that most people whom we need to forgive will never see a need to repent of their actions against us.  But this is should be no barrier to forgiveness.