The Purpose Driven Sex Life, Part 1

(Note - I accidentally hit the post button before this was really ready, so if you read this between 10:30 and 11:10pm on 8/17/04, it looks a little different than it does now).

Sorry, I couldn't resist the title. After my last post about Bobos in Paradise, wherein I realized that my ticket to fame and fortune was to right a book called "The Purpose Driven Sex Life," I figured I would go ahead and start my quest for said fame and fortune with a blog post on the subject. If having the words "purpose driven" and "sex" in a post title don't get me some hits, then hits just can't be had.

Of course, I realize that I am stepping into dangerous waters here, talking about sex and all. I remember Roger Staubach telling of how he got in trouble with his wife one time. An interviewer had asked him something about his sex life and he said that he enjoyed sex (shocking! on national TV no less). His wife was embarassed. I guess the revelation that all of America now knew what she had been doing and with whom was more than she could take. So, I will have to be careful lest I give off the impression that, like Roger Dodger, I too enjoy sex. Of course I will have to be just as careful to not give off the impression that I don't enjoy sex. Maybe I should just stop typing now.

Well, those of you who have read my blog before know that once I start typing, I find it hard to stop and this post will be no exception. I should say that this is going to be part tongue in cheek, but partly serious. It's also going to be fairly one dimensional in that I recognize that there are several purposes to sex, and I'm really only going to focus on one purpose. I suppose I should also issue the disclaimer that I'll be a little more blunt in a few cases than I would from the pulpit. However, what I call blunt will be considered pretty tame or prudish by most people. Well, enough the disclaimers and qualifiers, let's talk about sex.

This will be part 1 of at least two posts on the subject.

Generally, Christians are thought to be pretty negative about sex. Most of the time when Christians talk about sex it is for the purpose of telling teenagers and singles to avoid it. It also comes up when we talk about the consequences of adultery. I thought I would begin by giving a silly example of how Christians are often thought to view the sexual relationship. Many think that Christians would approve of the advice given to young brides by Ruth Smythers. Here are a few excerpts from her article

Instruction and advice for the young bride

On the Conduct and Procedure
Of the Intimate and Personal Relationships
Of the Marriage State
For the Greater Spiritual Sanctity
Of this Blessed Sacrament
And the Glory of God

To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home. Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school, church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual expression.

As Carolyn Mahaney says in her book Feminine Appeal, "don't we all feel sorry for Mr. Smythers. BTW, you can see the whole article by Mrs. Smythers here.

Contrary to Mrs. Smythers, the sexual act itself is a very pleasurable thing for the man and the woman and is blessed by God. Just read the Song of Solomon if you don't believe this. Or some of the Proverbs.

In my next post I'll talk some more about God's purposes for the our sexual lives and try to show the positive light that God views sex in.

Comments

[Karl Thienes]

"Maybe I should just stop typing now."

LOL! :)

[Pruitt Communications]

You humorous comments about using the title to drive up your site traffic I found amusing. Years ago, one of those California community church type pastors did a series on marriage. It was all an effort to mention the word that begins with S and ends with EX. Marketing studies showed the more times a preacher mentions that word, the more attendance you have at church. Of course , his efforts to raise attendance were a little off base. In the end he created a fad in his preaching which gives the impression that the main point of the scripture is a book which has the purpose (pun intended) of allowing the preacher say that word from the pulpit.

But quite seriously, this may be a break through topic for you. If you stay on this topic long enough you could move up The Truth Laid Bear Ecosystem.
http://www.truthlaidbear.com/showdetails.php?host=http://jollyblogger.typepad.com
(Well, maybe not so seriously.)

[Adrian Warnock]

This is great. Someones got to talk about this stuff. A while ago I did a survey and a sermon, (see my blog) but this sounds like its going to be a series that will be very helpful!

[Neb]

The Smythers tract reads like Lola Montez's 19th century pamphlet "Hints to Gentlemen on the Arts of Fascination" (eg. "As vanity is considered one of the female virtues, you cannot do a better thing than to evince as much of it as possible.") Unfortunately, Smythers seems to be serious, while Montez was satirical. Smythers did women no favors with this subversive tirade!

[teresa]

I challenge to actually read the Purpose Driven Life and see if God might speak to you. You might actually find out that life is not all about you.
My prayer is that you will see God for what He truly is.

[Aaron]

Wow. After 5 years of marriage, now I understand.

NOT!

LOL

[David Wayne]

I agree Aaron - and I've been married over 17 years

[James Sundquist]

SUBJECT: PURPOSE DRIVEN PAGAN/OCCULT SHAPE PERSONALITY PROFILING

You may not find a topic more related to the Church Growth Movement mentioned in the book, than how Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life, selling an astonishing million copies per month (now near 20 million sold), is destroying the Church in the U.S. and Canada. Most media coverage on Rick Warren, whether secular or religious is giving Rick Warren a free pass without scrutiny or even presenting an opposing view. The recent Draconian measure of 165 members being ousted from Gardendale Baptist Church in Corpus Christi, Texas, and New Hope Church in Bend, Oregon, for opposing Rick Warren and Purpose Driven Life, helps reinforce the argument that Rick Warren is a clear and present danger to the church! In this regard, I invite you to consider my book just published by Southwest Radio Church Ministries entitled:

Who's Driving the Purpose Driven Church?

Also, I invite you to hear my speech at the Southwest Radio Church National Prophecy Conference in October in audio:

http://www.abrahamic-faith.com/audio/James%20Sundquist%20-%20Purpose%20driven%20church.wma
(be sure to click open the color charts while you listen)


Who's Driving the Purpose Driven Church?
A Documentary on the Teachings of Rick Warren
James Sundquist
In Who's Driving the Purpose Driven Church?, author James Sundquist examines Rick Warren's latest best selling book, The Purpose Driven Life, and finds that Warren has not only made colossal biblical blunders such as the 40 day examples in Scripture he cites, but has built most of his "purpose-driven" precepts on the "wisdom of the world" and not on God's word.

Sundquist, through careful documentation and scriptural evidence, exposes Warren's subtle yet deadly utilization of inaccurate bible paraphrases, humanistic psychology, and the heretical, mystical, and occultic teachings of Carl Jung embedded in Rick Warren's SHAPE Program. Sundquist backs up with charts comparing Warren's fraudulent claims and teachings to Scripture and devotes an entire chapter to answering questions and concerns brought forth by pastors around the world. By "testing the spirits" of Warren's teachings, Sundquist has come to the heartbreaking conclusion that the Purpose Driven Church is being driven to spiritual ruin by unbiblical principles that belie its worldly success among unsuspecting evangelicals. This book is a great training manual on how to warn you how to refute 40 Days of Purpose even before you get to Day One as well as rescue those already caught in his snare. Features: 272 pages.

Chapter excerpt of my book may be found at:
http://www.abrahamic-faith.com/James/personality-profiling.html


I invite you to consider this book for your radio program.


Kindest regards in Christ,

James Sundquist
Director
Rock Salt Publishing

[Naomi Wilson]

I found your site while researching Purpose Driven Life/Church.

I assume from your content that your are a young person, and you are one of the justifications used for the changes Warren advocates.

I have referenced your page in particular to my minister, I'm very concerned about the influence Warren is having on the church I attend.

I wanted her to see a young christian's reaction to the books (I'm an old woman and the music issue is thrown up to me when I question his books, although I'm probably more progressive in that area than most people who are ten years younger). I'm not a fan of heavy metal or punk rock, but they are minor issues compared to the departure from scripture he advocates. I'll listen to punk rock every Sunday if it has a christian message and it helps save the souls of its adherents.

OTOH I balk at bringing the twin idols of our society, money and buisness, in to run God's house. I seem to recall a temple being destroyed for that.

God bless you

Naomi

[EO]

nice site. I am in the process of creating: "The Purpose Driven Jihad: Why Rick Warren needs to tone it down" blog. Anybody else see the similarities between his theology and those of suicide bombers? This may be a stretch, but see what I get when I pump this sh!t out.

[Charles Sell]

Hi:

What you say is so true. God has a purpose for sex.
In fact, I've written a book about it. It's called MAKING LOVE MEANINGFULLY, published by Broadman Holman.
Charles Sell.

I wanted to call it Purpose Driven Sex, but the publishers frowned on that title.

[nikki]

Hello! I am a young Christian married woman, and although Smythers' article is just hilarious to me, I'm afraid I can relate to your statement that Christians don't talk about sex except to tell teenagers and singles not to have it. I was told this over and over and I really had to work on not feeling guilty while I was engaged to my now husband for what I was about to do! Even now, we both still kind of feel like we're being mischevious. I mean, not much has changed between us except that now a minister said we were married before God!
I have some married friends my age who say the same thing. It's sad.
However, I originally came to your site because I noticed the tongue-in-cheek title, so your theory is correct! I was looking up the Purpose Driven Marriage because I'm kind of skeptical about the Christian book world and I was chided last night for not doing the Purpose Driven Marriage study and embarrassed that my husband and I could not come up with one unanimous purpose to our marriage (I said partnership; he said to express how he loves me - well, after joking that I did the laundry and he did the dishes!). It's not like it's a business that has goals; we're not going to say "well, we want to make an extra 10k next year." Can't people just come together for different reasons as long as there is partnership and commitment and does there have to be a purpose for marriage beyond marriage itself?

[TErA]

I am quite disgusted by men and their neverending need and drive for sex. I have had a quite active sex life forever until the past few years. I am now quite fed up with men and their needs. I think it is time for them to grow up.

[Miss O'Hara]

Good start to the series. :) I can empathize with one of the earlier posters - now that I'm married, I still feel a little guilty about...married stuff, stuff we should be enjoying completely! It's hard to get over the "NO NO NO!". There has to be a better way to go about all of this.

Not so sure about all of the spammage, though, despite my own feelings about Rick Warren & Co.

[Rachel]

The Smythers article is funny, but if you look it up on snopes.com you'll see that it's an urban legend. The language is much more modern and frank than they would ever use in the time period when it was supposedly written. For example, "sex" used in the context of "having sex" is a recent usage. You'd never see it in an old article.

No doubt there were people who felt this way, but just wanted to let you know it was not a genuine old article. Thanks!

[Gimlee]

While I agree with the Bible and Christian way of looking at sex...I also believe women can have lots of fun with sex. I am pleased to see that there are women out there who believe as I do...it is disgusting the way women can lead men around by their hmmm privates.

[Gimlee]

While I agree with the Bible and Christian way of looking at sex...I also believe women can have lots of fun with sex. I am pleased to see that there are women out there who believe as I do...it is disgusting the way women can lead men around by their hmmm privates.

[Caine Dean]

There are a million different reasons why couples get to the point where their sex life stinks! Whatever the reason, the good news is that you now have the CHOICE to change things. Is it really any surprise that most couples end up doing the "boring couple foxtrot" after a few years? To Find out more : http://www.google-buzz.com/curlyourtoes/

[Caine Dean]

There are a million different reasons why couples get to the point where their sex life stinks! Whatever the reason, the good news is that you now have the CHOICE to change things. Is it really any surprise that most couples end up doing the "boring couple foxtrot" after a few years? To Find out more : http://www.google-buzz.com/curlyourtoes/